Why You Can't Stop Thinking About Your Ex (And What To Do About It)
Relationships from the past can have a direct influence on your life, even years after the relationship has ended. The reason for this is because God created us for intimacy and friendship, and God designed us in such a way that we become connected with those we love on more than just a physical level.
In Genesis 2:24 we read, “For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.”
In 1 Samuel 18:1 we read about the friendship between David and Jonathan. Their friendship was really strong and the Bible says the soul of Jonathan was bonded to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved David as himself.
This is a wonderful mystery, and God ties us to those we love for the purpose of unity.
However, when relationships turn out differently than we thought they would, breaking them up can be more complex than we realise. This is especially true for relationships where romance was involved.
You Can Have Victory
If you find yourself thinking about someone from the past a lot - especially when things are tough in your current relationship - it is important to pause and properly break the ties with that person from the past so you can focus on your future.
A friend of mine came to me with this exact problem. He said that for some reason he just couldn't stop thinking about his girlfriend from many years ago. Even though he is happily married, and even though he does not want to think about the girl whom he loved in his previous life, he just couldn't forget about her.
I then explained to my friend what the biblical answer to dealing with this problem is. About 6 months later I asked him how it was going, and he said he had to think about what I was referring to, as he had completely forgotten about his ex from many years ago.
For the Christian there are two ways of dealing with this problem. The first is to use the authority you have in Jesus Christ to break the soul ties with that person. The second is to put the relationship behind you, also by using the authority you have in Jesus Christ.
Breaking Unholy Soul Ties
Bring the person you need to break ties with before God, ask Him to bless them, and then ask God to untie you from them.
Mean it.
It is likely you will need to search your heart for any unforgiveness towards your ex (or the person you need to break free from). Forgive them if you need to forgive. Do not hold on to unforgiveness, as you are then deliberately choosing to stay connected with your ex, through unforgiveness.
After you have truly forgiven them, declare out loud and in the name of Jesus Christ that you are no longer connected to that person, and that you have no desire to still be connected to that person on a soulish level.
To understand why your declaration needs to be made out loud, it may help to read Why The Words You Speak Matter.
Put The Relationship Behind You
The more difficult part is choosing to put the relationship behind you. Sometimes there is a part of us that still wants to be connected to the other person. Here you will have to make a deliberate decision to be free from your ex and to go on with your life.
Philippians 3:13 says, “… but one thing I do [it is my one aspiration]: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead.”
Therefore, pray and declare out loud, in the name of Jesus, that you are putting the relationship with your ex (or whoever the person is) behind you.
Declare out loud that your desire is for the person you are married to instead - even if you don’t feel like it right now. If you are not married, declare your desire will be for the person you will one day be married to, and that no other person will hold the place in your heart which your spouse or future spouse is supposed to hold.
Do this as many times as necessary (even if you have to do it multiple times a day), until the unhealthy connection with the other person has been broken completely.
If you are not familiar with the principle of putting off the old and putting on the new, you may want to read more about it in the post where I talk about how to Change Bad Behaviour In Adults. It is also the principle we use to renew our mind, as described in the post called If You Have Filled Your Mind With Junk, Here Is How To Clean It.
I would also encourage you to read the post on how to Deal With Lust & Sexual Sin Effectively, as it is also sometimes needed to completely break with relationships from the past.
If this post has been helpful, please leave a comment below as to encourage other readers as well.
🛐 Prayer To Break Free from A Past Relationship
Heavenly Father,
I come before You in the name of Jesus Christ, my Redeemer and King. Thank You that through His blood, I can approach Your throne boldly to receive mercy and find grace in time of need.
Right now, Lord, I make a conscious decision to forgive [name of the person] for every wrongdoing — whether known or unknown, intentional or unintentional. I release them from any obligation toward me — emotional, spiritual, or otherwise. I let go of all expectations, judgments, and debts. They owe me nothing. I forgive them, just as You have forgiven me.
Lord, I confess my own sin in this relationship — every way in which I disobeyed You, sought emotional intimacy outside of Your will, or allowed my heart to be tied where You did not intend. I repent. I turn from it now and I ask that the blood of Jesus would speak for me — washing me clean, silencing every accusation, and cleansing me from all unrighteousness.
In the name of Jesus Christ, I now present [name] before You. I ask You to bless them — to heal them, restore them, and lead them into Your truth. I release them into Your care.
Now Father, in the authority of Jesus, I ask You to release me from all soul ties, spiritual ties, or emotional connections I may still have with this person. I no longer give them access to my thoughts, my emotions, or my spirit. I ask You to sever every tie — in the natural and in the spirit — that is not from You. Let every ungodly connection be cut now by the sword of the Spirit.
I declare that I am putting this relationship behind me. I choose to forget what lies behind and strain forward to what lies ahead (Philippians 3:13). I will no longer dwell in the past. I will walk forward in the freedom You purchased for me.
And Lord, I affirm that my heart belongs only to the person You have joined me with in covenant — either the one I am married to, or the one I will one day marry according to Your will. I set my affections toward them, and them alone.
Thank You, Lord, for Your mercy, Your freedom, and Your healing.
I receive it now, by faith. In Jesus’ name,
Amen.
Thank you so much
I’m a Christian and I keep thinking about my past crush/boyfriend when I was 14-15 now I’m 36years of age still thinking about him is it normal.
I would say it is "normal", but not right, which is why I wrote this article. Best to put the past behind you and embrace the plans God has for your life.
Thanks for the great article!
Amen
Hello, Mislande François!
This is so divine and on time, as your post is reminding me vividly of 1 Corinthians 10:13!
My Lord Jesus is usually a God of numbers because I, too, am in the same predicament with the same exact age references!
Even our dates of this post are surprisingly exact as I'm posting this reply on July 30, 2025 exactly 2 years later!
Anyways, my current incident happened last week when an ex randomly reached out to me within the usual 3-5 year cycle of the so called "checking in" routine (I mean, he shouldn't even still have my number after all these years, but what can one do, since not everyone has the same morals).
Still, we can choose how to respond when facing attacks that are under the influences of darkness.
This time around, he was talking about wanting "marriage if my heart were available."
Now it was only through divine strength in Christ that I was able to delete the text , and not reply.
Still, with all that said, it didn't make the entire problem in itself go away, as I'll be the first to admit that I'm still human and weak in flesh. Ever since he'd reached out, I just can't seem to get him out of my mind and have been thinking of him non-stop ever since the text. We humans are complex beings, and these feelings and emotions don't always just go away on a whim.
As Henk Kruger stated, sometimes deliverance in prayers such as "Prayer To Break Free from A Past Relationship" are necessary, while in other cases, divine closure with good Godly intent is also a good chain breaker for the both of you to be able to move on in good health.
In some cases (like yours truly), sometimes closure is necessary, and other times not everyone gets that opportunity.
This was the only way that I was personally able to move on from another ex of mine who, by divine intervention, just happened to reach out last year to "check up." I was still attached to this man immensely by mind and soul and was practically married to this man in my mind.
I'd made him my God, and no matter how many times I'd asked for the Lord to take these feelings and attachments away, He just wouldn't. Just like Paul, I had to learn and embrace that His grace was sufficient enough for me.
I think when I'm in a spiritually sound head space, that I'll eventually get back to him somehow and inform him that going on like this is just not appropriate, nor is it respectful or healthy. It does mankind no good to stay connected to the past through back and forth antics.
It's not healthy behavior when one decides to reach back out when it's convenient for them. Not only is it selfish, but also inconsiderate of the other party that may need healing, as well.
Not everyone is always in a reconciliatory mood, and sometimes that alone time with God is needed for things to be clarified, as well as properly healed.
When the timing is right, I'm going to set some firm boundaries and inform him that we need to cut ties for good.
Constantly entertaining the past is not being mindful of the things of God in Christ, nor is it fair or healthy towards Him, yourself, and the possible future spouse that He may have designed specifically for you.
Also, Lord Elohim our Maker does not promise marriage in this imperfect world, nor is He of confusion and discord.
Some are set apart for singleness for a season while others may be called to celibacy in Christ for life to spread the good news of these trying times.
I realize this was a long write, but I pray that this helps you, as well as the next soul find some clarity. May God give you the good and pure desires of your heart if marriage is truly something you want in your precious life!
Shalom and blessings to all!
What a thoughtful and insightful article—your guidance on how to process past relationships and step into freedom is warmly and powerfully shared. Thank you for offering such practical hope.